Jolted awake by a very disturbing dream this morning. While most of the time I'll just shrug it off and continue making my journey in la-la land...this morning however is a little bit different. I cant get myself back to sleep even though I'm dead tired from yesterday night's excursion. It felt so real...so real that i actually felt depressed and my eyes got so irritated it wet itself...

This cant be happening to me. Not at this time when everything is picture perfect. To be distracted by something so disturbing now...it dropped me into a very deep hole. Not now...not when I'm coming to grips with the reality that will happen in a few months.

Where distance will be the biggest hurdle among us.

Where time is the most precious item we have.

Even wealth wont change the fact that she's going away after graduation.

And leave me all alone here...

To be disturbed by that dream really hits me today. I cant concentrate. I cant do this. I need to run away....

My reality bites me back at my ass...and I'm depressed.

Tried watching all her videos just now...usually i will smile and giggle at her antics...but today...it got me deeper and deeper into the dark side...

This is so not me...

I hope things will get better once i start to rationalize...i hope...but not now...not today...i hope it will be better tomorrow...i really wished...i prayed...stop hurting me....please...no more nightmares!!!!!!!!!!!

The music of Rick Price-Heaven Knows that was played on the radio this morning on my way to work made things worse...

She's always on my mind
From the time I wake up,
Till I close my eyes.
She's everywhere I go
She's all I know.

And though she's so far away,
It just keeps getting stronger everyday
And even now she's gone
I'm still holding on

So tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Chorus:

Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
But only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope & pray
'Coz heaven knows.

My friends keep telling me
That if you really love her,
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in time
I'll know she's mine

But tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go

(Repeat Chorus except last line)

Bridge:

'Coz heaven knows
Why I live in despair
'Coz wide awake or dreamin',
I know she's never there
And all the time I act so brave,
I'm shakin' inside
Why does it hurt me so?



Someone, anyone...the person up there...SAVE ME PLEASE!