Samsons - Kenangan Terindah

Aku yang lemah tanpamu
Aku yang rentan karena
Cinta yang t’lah hilang darimu
Yang mampu menyanjungku...

Selama mata terbuka
Sampai jantung tak berdetak
Selama itu pun aku mampu
Untuk mengenangmu...

Darimu kutemukan hidupku
Bagiku kaulah cinta sejati...

Chorus :
Bila yang tertulis untukku
Adalah yang terbaik untukmu
Kan kujadikan kau knangan
Yang terindah dalam hidupku
Namun takkan mudah bagiku
Meninggalkan jejak hidupku
Yang t’lah terukirSebagai kenangan yang terindah...
Ahh....

Words could not express how i feel now...the only thing i can say is for you to listen to the song, and hope that all of you would understand what am i going through this past few months...

Things happened for a reason. I believe all things in this universe happen for a reason... and for me feeling like shit is one reason that i have not discovered yet....but pne thing's for sure...i will never stop loving her...i will never stop cherishing her...i will never stop showering her all my affection...for you, for us, for the future of us...

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What's wrong with me?

I woke up and grabbed the phone to call her...

Rings...

Suddenly a male voice answered the phone : Hello?

I paused...and asked : Er...hello...is Jeneft's phone right?

The male replied : She's in the bathroom now...who's calling?

I replied as 'selamba' as I am : Oh...just her classmate. Can you ask her to call me back? Davy. you are...?

And then he hang up on me...

What the fuck??? then my mind started to kick into overboost...eh...overdrive mode.

Who the hell is he? how come she's taking a bath while someone answered? i know she's in Ipoh...but...who the fuck is he? I can recognise his brother's voice...not them...cannot be his father...he does not speak fluent English.

ARGH.....

called her home. auntie answered...apparently she stayed overnight at her friend's house...

Weird.

SMSed her : where are you? tried calling you but your friend answered. please call back.

i waited...then...beep beep....beep beep....

her SMS : please do not disturb her. she'll call you when she call you. do not reply or call her.

SHIT.

i replied : you must be his boyfriend then. Tell her it's urgent. ask her to call me back.

her reply : yes i am. do not bother her unless it's necessary.

OHHHHHHH...KAYYYYYYYY...nevermind...if this is what she wants then fine with me...fuck it.

15 minutes later she called :

"wake up lor dear....time to go to work lor...." eh...like selamba only...like as if nothing happened one.

i asked : where are you?

"At home lor."

"okay.....i called you just now but no one answered. thought i want to tell you that i woke up d."

"No wor...got meh? you sure you got the right number?"

"I think i got the right one...until a guy answered." "What's going on? what happened in Ipoh?"

...........

"I'll call you back...i'll call you back"

"wait...i want some answers!"

toot...toot...toot...toot....

It got me mad...i hate people hang up on me!!! I got two timed...hoooo i gotta be PISSED!!!!

then...the phone ringed again...it's from her...

"Dear...wake up lor!!!!!!!!! dont laze around the bed...faster wake up!!!"

and i woke up...from a nightmare.

As i prepared myself to go to work...i was wondering...why all these weird dreams? the first nightmare was worse...much worse than this...

Am i too afraid to lose her after she graduates and moves back to her hometown?

Am i holding on too tight?

Am i just worried too much about stuffs that lead me into this nightmare?

ARGHHHH.... i got meetings, trainings, convention and product launch to handle...i cant be stuffed with this shit!

but it got into the better of me...and i broke down again. for a moment! but i'm fine now...i guess...

SIGH....come to think of it...you guys think it's really happening leh...hehehheheheh...

me too! :)

sometimes dreams are so true....especially wet ones :P~ hehehe....

Nothing to do? all alone? nowhere to go? Why dont you check this out? :)

The students of the Performance Strategy in the Western Theater of the University of Malaya will be presenting a play by Kuo Pao Kun titled Descendants of the Eunuch Admiral at Perdanasiswa, UM, on the 25th and 26th of March at 7pm. The same play will be staged on both days.


Descendants of the Eunuch Admiral tells the story of Zheng He or Cheng Ho, the famed Eunuch Admiral of the Ming dynasty. The play is a blend of little episodes of Zheng He's life and the true identity of a eunuch in the ancient China. Moving from Zheng He's castration to his attaining of fame, his adventures and explorations to his search for freedom, The Descendants of the Eunuch Admiral is a sophisticated, humorous, and thought-provoking work. ATTN: Ideal for those searching for the missing parts of their lives. Tickets sell at RM3 each. To obtain the tix, kindly contact 012-3819101 or email yingoying@gmail.com for more information. Get the tix ASAP before they are sold out and don't forget to invite your friends to tag along!

To Miss Tey...here you go :P

To Someone who wants me to repost this into blogspot... here you go. It's a 2 year old blog anyway...hope it will enlighten you further to the bright side... :P And thanks for your remarks in your blog :) i really did not know i really made a big impact just by observation hehe :P

Here you go.

Say there is someone you feel totally comfortable with, can identify with in every way, connect with mentally and emotionally, you can talk with him about anything, he cares for you, you care for him etc. Yet you absolutely cannot imagine yourself having sex with him…

While another guy, who isn’t nearly as close to you in that sense. But each time he is around, you feel that... spark, that not-entirely-innocent tingle, either based on his looks/attitude/charisma/sexy butt/whatever personally catches your attention in a man…and make you skip a heartbeat sometimes when he smiles at you?

So, is the first guy someone you have a platonic friendship with, and the second someone whom you would want to have a relationship with? Or is the first someone you would want to have a relationship with, and the second merely eye-candy, someone you lust over but that’s about it?

Well, I have rambled about this before to my gal friends, guy friends, ex girlfriends, and old uncle with lots of Chinese Imported Girlfriends, and came to some conclusions that some people are better off as friends and some as lovers. Guys, especially those who are still a blur sotong, TAKE NOTE!

I also feel that, most guys I know fell into these 4 categories…

1. Those who are friends and evolved into relationship because you suddenly cared and love them more than ever, and you cant stop the feeling as it comes naturally for both of you.
2. Those who are casual friends and immediately felt an attraction/feeling with each other. You know, sparks fly, fireworks in the air…those things la
3. Those who just met, but immediately felt a connection between the two. Example, both have same interest, same opinion, and then in an hour or two, starts talking about their life and opinions.
4. Those who just met, but felt a connection later on…this one…normal la.. hehe

Its also one of the things that i find it dumbstruck too. There are quite a number of reasons out there (if you analyse it logically and not emotionally) and characteristics which some deem more suitable for platonic friendship and some for relationship/lust/flings/affairs.

What’s strange is, when u see a set of factors/characteristic working as the base of attraction for someone they like, but it does not become the base for another person (same girl playing the tricks and strategies on a different guy)

When there's no chemistry, there's no chemistry. U can't fake a spark or make it happen. You can’t force yourself to be in the same wavelength as her. There's not enough information about the second guy to make a comparison, however the second guy definitely has higher chances as sexual attraction is very important. If you are not attracted to someone, no matter how nice he is, it just won't happen. Guys, you can actually pack up and leave if she say she cant imagine having a relationship with you. But…to some sesat/blur sotong/indecisive/dunno who to choose gals, it doesn't mean he just packs up and goes, the gal will give it some time and see how first… to see if she really can see a future with him or not. BUT, if really cannot, really cannot lor..what to do..too bad so sad...hahahhahahaha… LOL…guys, this will be a very testing time for you. Then, it is up to you whether to continue pursuing her, or really pack up, leave and never come back (most important. DO NOT GO BACK TO WHERE YOU HAVE BEEN HURT BEFORE)

Tough eh to understand women? Hehe…

Well, basically there are several things required to 'connect' with a person in a special way, right? Personally, I think these are the three for me:

1. Mental connection. Understanding her completely and having basically the same mindsets and thinking along the same 'wavelength', accepting each other as we are without pretense, sharing our deepest darkest thoughts, etc… well the least I need from her is an unbreakable connection of same wavelengths and non-stop communication without thinking for a second, what should I talk about next? It should be freehand which we are able to talk about anything under the sun.

2. Emotional dependence aka romance/commitment. That feeling of happiness whenever you're with her (NOT sexual related), waiting for her calls or SMS, keeping and re-reading her messages over and over, thinking of her damn fucking lot that it almost takes most of your day dreaming time, willing to sacrifice to help her or make her happy, to happily help her out and give her a hand when she’s stuck with her work/assignments/studies. And…to become the so called pizza delivery boy if she’s hungry and got the urge to eat this la that la…or go buy some of her favourite cookies or snacks.

3. Sexual attraction aka lust. Well.. no need to describe that lah. But there’s another one argument. Some will think that in order to be serious in a relationship, I got friends who says that if you really like her, sex should not be in one of your imaginations. In fact, I got a friend who says that sex is the least in his mind when he’s going after a particular gal. YES, TRUE, I agree. But…don’t you think that if you say so, it will become just a platonic friend and wont go more than that remember? ( READ MY FIRST PARAGRAPH! ) Dumb ass… LOL…

I’m cruel especially to the fellas who whine to me about relationships. So to all who are still single, and being pursued or pursuing someone you like, think about it. i personally partly agree with this statement which is quite true, but the fact remains that sometimes the love is pure, you wont imagine sex as one of the factors, but the sad fact remains that there is a very thin line bordering love and lust. if you think about imagining how sex will shoot through the roof and over the moon with the other half, it's lust. If you never think that sex will play an important role in your relationship, and sometimes you think having sex with your other half goes with happy times, then it's somewhat true love lor. but if you can never imagine having sex with her no matter what, and the thought of it sickens you, sorry lah...51% of the chances are that you will never hit it off with her. BUT, why i say 51% only?

The reason is that i have known quite a number of friends that has been emotionally hurt by their ex boyfriends. The thought of sex really sickens her especially when she thinks about how her ex treated her. Even if she has a new relationship, the past continues to haunt her. Yes, he's amazing and much better than the bastard but she will back off on the intimacy because of the bad past and she will need time to heal her broken confidence. I do agree sex plays a part of the relationship, but then i have exes who practises abstinence before marriage. That's cool with me...there's other ways. =)

So to all who are pursuing someone whether a gal or a boy or same sex, remember this. If you really cant imagine being intimate (i think this is the best phrase to describe it) with the person who is pursuing you, back off and be frank with them. If you are unsure, simple. Write down in a piece of paper, the name of the person who first came into your mind when:

you need help on your work

you want to go out with on a date for any events

you want to tell your happy or sad moments

you're angry and want to vent out on someone

when you wake up

before you sleep

when you see something nice on the telly, shopping complex, whatever nice and you want to share with a person...

Hehe..i guess that's all for now. Until the next time, best wishes to your family, your health and your life. =)

He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth.

Resistance to oppression is often based on a love that leads us to value ourselves, and leads us to hope for more than the established cultural system is willing to grant ... such love is far more energizing than guilt, duty, or self-sacrifice. Love for others leads us to accept accountability (in contrast to feeling guilt) and motivates our search for ways to end our complicity with structures of oppression. Solidarity does not require self-sacrifice, but an enlargement of the self to include community with others.

The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.

Keep your fears to yourself, but share your inspiration with others.

Kindness trumps greed: it asks for sharing. Kindness trumps fear: it calls forth gratefulness and love. Kindness trumps even stupidity, for with sharing and love, one learns.

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers. The beauty of the world has two edges, one of laughter, one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder. When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.

Consider the following. We humans are social beings. We come into the world as the result of others' actions. We survive here in dependence on others. Whether we like it or not, there is hardly a moment of our lives when we do not benefit from others' activities. For this reason it is hardly surprising that most of our happiness arises in the context of our relationships with others.

Most couples have not had hundreds of arguments; they've had the same argument hundreds of times.

Do not depend on the hope of results. You may have to face the fact that your work will be apparently worthless and even achieve no result at all, if not perhaps results opposite to what you expect. As you get used to this idea, you start more and more to concentrate not on the results, but on the value, the rightness, the truth of the work itself. You gradually struggle less and less for an idea and more and more for specific people. In the end, it is the reality of personal relationship that saves everything.

But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for.

Most things break, including hearts. The lessons of life amount not to wisdom, but to scar tissue and callus.

You know quite well, deep within you, that there is only a single magic, a single power, a single salvation...and that is called loving. Well, then, love your suffering. Do not resist it, do not flee from it. It is your aversion that hurts, nothing else.

In reality, in love there is a permanent suffering which joy neutralizes, renders virtual, delays, but which can at any moment become what it would have become long earlier if one had not obtained what one wanted, atrocious.

To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.

It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows achievement and who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

How is one to live a moral and compassionate existence when one is fully aware of the blood, the horror inherent in life, when one finds darkness not only in one's culture but within oneself? If there is a stage at which an individual life becomes truly adult, it must be when one grasps the irony in its unfolding and accepts responsibility for a life lived in the midst of such paradox. One must live in the middle of contradiction, because if all contradiction were eliminated at once life would collapse. There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions. You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light.

Dear god...why do i feel so depressed, moody and gloomy? Tell me, the end is nigh?

Stupid itchy fingers....

Bloody itchy fingers...screwed up my blogspot just because i wanted something different...

I changed my templates to the ones from the web last week as i wanted my site to be different...screwed up as i change endless templates...and i lost almost all my settings.

Played with the customization bar the whole morning and still the same thing happened...my pictures...my gadgets...Sigh...WTF...

Gotta spend time to RTFM and also to remind my stupid self that i need to back up my stuffs before making any fucking changes...

!@#)%(!#@!)#(!@_#^....what a day to start my March with...